How do you feel when talking with partners and loved ones about money?
When couples who come to me struggling with sex, I ask this question: What is the connection between money and sex for you?
And then there is this moment of loud silence.
They ponder how their struggles with sex and their struggles with money might possibly be connected.
How is it for you to hear that about half of American couples fight about money?
I worked with a couple (names changed) Dan and Bry a few years ago. They came to couple’s therapy to work on their sex life, which was at zero.
In our early sessions, they talked around the issue, speaking about everything EXCEPT sex.
Finally, Bry bravely spoke up and said,
“I don’t think we should spend money on sex therapy if we aren’t going to talk about sex.”
The resulting conversations about sex and money were a turning point for them, as they began to feel safer talking about what they didn’t want to talk about.
Did you know that 45% of couples who describe their marriage as “okay” or “in crisis” avoid discussing money?
And about one-third of people who have money fights hide purchases from a partner, out of fear of disapproval.
Financial infidelity can be defined differently in each relationship, but it often occurs when couples with combined finances lie to each other or withhold important information about money. Some examples could be hiding accounts, debts or spending habits from a partner. Although this behavior might not seem as serious as sexual infidelity, some of the consequences are very similar: loss of trust, feelings of resentment, and damage to emotional bonds. The strain of hiding something can also lead to isolation and depression.