There are many reasons why the body can get in the habit of hitting the brakes on sex and pleasure.
Formative messages from our families, culture, religion, or other places that sex is shameful, dirty, and dangerous can result in pre-installed insecurities, fears, and misinformation which requires a lot of un-learning as adults.
Feelings of pressure and expectation around sex, painful intercourse, having sex you don’t want to have, and sexual trauma can all contribute to sexual aversion. When the body has made some negative neurological associations, the initial reflex to avoid further negativity can be to ‘hit the brakes’ in an effort to stay safe.
Regardless of what has caused sexual aversion, there are learnable skills that can help to understand this experience, gain a self-compassionate lens, and learn easier ways to talk about what’s going on for you.
If you want to gently explore what’s up with not wanting sex, we have a free on-demand webinar called “But I WANT to want to…sorta.”
This webinar offers a somatic perspective, a kindness reframe, practical information on discovering if you are experiencing sexual aversion, and much more. Click here to watch this free and confidential webinar.
Questions to ask yourself:
Is something ‘hitting the brakes’ on sex in my body or mind?
Do I know what this may be connected to for me?
Is there someone I trust that I could talk to about this experience?
Questions to ask yourself about exploring sex:
Are there boundaries and ground rules I can set to help me feel more safe and in control of the situation?
Are there certain types of sexual contact that feel safe to explore?
Can I share these ideas and boundaries with a partner and feel received and respected?
Body Scan Meditation from Greater Good in Action
Is thinking about all this causing tension in your body or mind? Click the link above to listen to a 3-minute guided body scan meditation and feel your body relax as you try this practice. Regular mindfulness practice is one of the skills that can help to heal sexual aversion.
The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response, by the Kinsey Institute.