You need to have needs!
Humans always have needs. If you think you don’t have needs, you may not be in touch with identifying them, but they are still there. Imagine your met needs as rocket boosters that propel you forward in your life. Now imagine your unmet needs as little computer programs that are running the background, drawing power and slowing down your rocket-booster speed. Managing day to day with unmet needs can be a real challenge.
Having needs in a relationship is a good thing. It doesn’t automatically make you “needy.” It actually means that you’re tuned in to your emotions and your body. Each of our human needs builds upon other needs.
In order to get our needs met in a relationship,
the first step is to identify them.
Having needs allows us to receive support from and intimacy with others. Some people struggle to have needs in their relationships because they’re not in touch with identifying and valuing their personal needs and needs in relationships. Although this disconnect can develop for a wide variety of reasons, the good news is that, with practice, you can get good at identifying and meeting your personal needs and relationship needs in healthy ways.
The dance between Asking and Expecting
You have probably already noticed that just because you expect or wish something will happen doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Asking is a proactive way to affect an outcome. A department store is one of the only places someone might walk up to you and ask, “How can I help you?” In almost all other areas of life, if you wait for someone else to offer to help without your asking, you might be waiting a very long time before your need for help is met.
It is important to let your needs be known, particularly in relationships. The practice of asking for something you need helps you to identify and take responsibility for your own needs. No matter how amazing your partner is, they’re probably not able to read your mind 100% of the time. And who’s got the time to wait around for someone to guess what’s on our minds?
Life is short! Let’s start practicing the Ask.