When we talk about what we want our relationships to be, we have to start where we are. If you are in a relationship, when was the last time you paused to check in with your thoughts about the health of your relationship?
When was the last time you and your partner checked in together about what’s working and what’s not?
On a day-to-day basis, most people are trying to make the business of life happen, by meeting personal and familial basic needs, meeting work and professional needs and demands, social commitments, etc. Sitting down for serious relationship conversations can end up last on the priority list, especially if there’s some fear of what might come up.
Without regular maintenance and repair, unhealthy patterns can creep into relationships. You might find yourself less connected to your partner slowly over time, or facing a major blow-out which has been building up over time.
In order to play a successful game, you have to start by getting on the same team.
This means you’re both interested in working together to create a general idea of the shared goals and visions you’d like to manifest for your relationship, and ideas of how you might achieve these goals together.
Being on the same team means knowing the rules of the game, and practicing the skills needed personally and collectively to bring your best to the game. Practice may not make perfect, but perfect isn’t the goal here.
The goal is to practice the skills needed for healthy relationships by doing your work, doing your best, making mistakes along the way, and using these mistakes as opportunities for you and your partner to grow and deepen your trust and connection.
Getting back in touch with how you felt at the beginning of your relationship can be one entry point. What brought you folks together? What were your hopes and dreams for the relationship at that time? How does that compare with where you find yourself now, and where you’d like to go?
Questions to Ask Yourself:
When was the last time you checked in with yourself about your level of satisfaction in relationship?
Is your current relationship what you want?
Is your current relationship what you initially agreed to?
What is the state of your trust in relationship?
Suggested Practice:
Scheduling personal daily check-ins can be a helpful way to get in the habit of checking in with yourself and your relationship. At the end of the day, take a few moments to reflect on the following questions:
- How did my relationship feel today? Describe it in a few words or sentences.
- How did I show up for the relationship today?
- How did I struggle to show up for the relationship today?
- How did my partner show up, and how did that make me feel?
- What opportunities for growth did I notice?
Next Steps: Download our free PDF that helps guide your relationship check-in!
Relationship check-ins can feel a little daunting, especially if this is a new practice in your relationship. If you’d like support with questions to guide you and your partner, download our free Relationship Check-in playsheet to help you get started.
